The final piece I need to confess regarding my writing: I have not worshiped the Lord through my writing in recent months, at least not often. This is the product of both pursuing the Kingdom of Self as well as idolizing publication as the end goal.

I’m burning out on projects quickly. I’m only writing to keep up the habit; I’m not really enjoying myself when I write these days. These are all signs of a dry writing practice, a practice not marked by worship as it once was. It’s made me even question whether I should just walk away from trying to be a writer at all, but I think that’s the wrong response here. What I need to do instead is return my writing to a posture of worship, of delighting in the Lord as I write, which will come as I return to prioritizing the Kingdom of God in my writing and stewarding my talents well.

What does returning to worship with my writing look like? First, starting with prayer. Actively praying before writing, during writing, after writing, praying for my writing, and above all, praying specifically that my heart would refocus on Christ as I write. It also means being patient with my writing and even write things that aren’t “practical,” like projects that may not turn into a novel but may express delight in the Lord in some way, or writing scenes that focus on exercising craft (i.e. stewardship) but may not make the final cut. In other words, writing worshipfully means simply writing for the sake of delighting in the Lord, regardless of publishability. This is not only an effort to pursue delight in the Lord in my writing, but also an attempt to put to death the idol of publication in my writing life.

I also think worshiping and honoring the Lord with my writing also involves sharing more of my writing. This might seem backwards, considering what I said about building a name for myself, but I have a vein of perfectionism that is also wrapped up in the Kingdom of Self. By sharing more of my writing publically, including messy drafts or scenes that may eventually be cut, it pushes me to set aside my self-image and insecurity as a writer. It forces me to be humble, rather than prideful as I consider my writing. It would also help me view my writing rightly as a gift to be given, not wealth to be hoarded until it’s ready. To practice this, I intend to share more draft snippets in my writing updates.

Tied to this desire to worship the Lord and delight in Him through my writing, I’m once again drawn to Psalm 37, which has been a reoccurring encouragement to me in different seasons of my life:

“Trust in the Lord and do good;

“Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

“Delight yourself in the Lord;

“And He will give you the desires of your heart.

“Commit your way to the Lord,

“Trust also in Him, and He will do it.” (Psalm 37:3-5)

These verses emphasize trusting in God and delighting in Him, both good reminders for me. The Psalm also talks about being faithful, echoing my conviction regarding stewardship of my writing. There is also the implication of reward: the Lord giving the desires of our heart. However, as I’ve learned from past reflection on this Psalm, while the Lord may give us the earthly things we desire and ask for, often in the process of trusting Him and delighting in Him, He changes our desire to be His desires, and it is those desires of our transformed heart that He gives us. That is what I long for: that my heart’s desire would be for Him, and that He would give me more of Him as I seek to trust Him more, delight in Him more, and commit my path to Him.

Another moment of the Psalm reads:

“Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;

…

“The steps of a man are established by the Lord,

“And He delights in his way.

“When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,

“Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.” (Psalm 37:7a, 23-24)

I pull in the first part of verse 7 to ground my expectations. Often, I want my own quick timeline to work out, for Him to answer prayers quickly, but the Lord’s timing, even if it’s longer than expected, is perfect, and I can rest in Him rather than strive to make my own plan succeed. The other part of this section again emphasizes that the Lord is sovereign over our path, and I can trust Him. It also promises that we will fail, yet that God still holds onto us. (After all, it says “when,” not “if,” we fall.) This encourages me because I know I can expect setbacks, I can expect myself to fail again in regards to how I view and pursue my writing, yet always, the Lord is faithful, even when I am not, and He keeps a firm grasp on me to pull me back to Himself.

This is what I want the purpose of my writing to be: delight in Him, trust in the plan He has for me in my life. And if that means I’m never published again? So be it. Publication is not the end goal of my writing, it does not define my writing as worthy and purposeful. It is the Lord who does that. He is the real purpose for my writing. He establishes my path as an author. I am called to be faithful with this talent He has given me, delight in Him, and trust in Him as I continue to write stories for His Kingdom.

I am sure I will continue to stumble along as I continue to write and walk with Jesus. But these are good reflections for me to dwell on as I begin 2024, and it is my hope to keep them constantly in mind as I continue through this year. I hope you, too, have found some encouragement or exhortation in this small series that motivates you to seek the Lord first in your writing and in all of your pursuits. Here’s to the Lord’s steadfastness to us, regardless of how many times we fail Him.