I am a very self-driven, Type-A person. I do very little that isn’t practical.

And right now, it’s choking my writing.

Now, I believe Scripture is very clear that we are not to be lazy people and should work diligently, as unto the Lord, while also balancing that with our need for Sabbath rest. What I want to talk about today is not related to a lack of rest; I’m in a much healthier place with taking Sabbath now, by the grace of God. Rather, what I am addressing in this confession is my idolization of productivity, busy-ness, and the goal of publication itself, contrasted with the Christian call to steward God-given talents.

To start with productivity: there is a double-edged sword here in regards to writing. On the one hand, I do need to be self-driven and productive as a writer, because no one is going to help me do that until I’m on a contract with a deadline, especially when I’m juggling my paying job and school and other life stuff. If I really want to be a published writer, and perhaps one day sustain myself off of that lifestyle, I have to be the one to motivate myself and to work hard at it in my rare spare moments.

On the other hand, it begs the question: why does my writing need to be so business oriented? So fixated on publication? My realization that I’ve been writing for the Kingdom of Self, among a few other insights, has challenged my conception of publication as the ultimate ideal of writing. Studying medieval literature, too, has brought up some additional thoughts on the purpose of writing; publication wasn’t the point before the printing press. In today’s society, writing stories is all too often about selling products, rather than fostering and celebrating art and story. Both of those things are not mutually exclusive, sure, but if you don’t sell your book, you typically don’t get to try and sell another.

For pretty much all my life, publication has served as the ultimate and ONLY worthy end goal of my writing. I have idolized publication, which has led me to do a couple of things as a writer that are less-than-ideal.

First, I haven’t really taken the time to hone my craft recently. In thinking only of producing a full novel, and not being patient with the process, I’ve charged ahead to try and hit big novel-writing milestones as fast as possible, without really taking care of the product along the way. I write lazily and edit lazily. I’m all about reaching the finish line, checking off another box, holding that next published book in my hands. I let rejection discourage me instead of make me consider prayerfully how I can continue to grow as a writer and improve. That’s not to say that my writing is bad; it’s way better than what I wrote a decade ago. But in other ways, I do think I’ve regressed a little in my desire to grab onto publication as the only meaningful aspect of writing.

What comes to mind in light of my idolatry of publishing is the parable of the talents. It’s a long story, so to paraphrase Jesus’s words in Matthew 25:14-28, a man entrusts his servants with talents. Two of the servants invest and grow this money, but one hides it away. Upon returning, the man rewards the servants who were faithful with growing his money, and punishes the one who did nothing with it.

But why this parable? After all, isn’t my desire to be productive and reach the “goal” of publication the same as the faithful servants? I don’t think so. Yes, productivity is needed. But in the push to be productive on the singular goal of publication, I’m neglecting to really steward my talents well. By not investing more in my craft, by not being patient and prayerful about the process, I’m not really stewarding these God-given talents well. I’m neglecting the talents God has given me. In fact, by not focusing on stewardship of my talents, by not taking the time to hone craft, to press into writing community, to bring my writing before the Lord, I doubt I’ll ever be published again. And even if I did get published without practicing faithful stewardship, I doubt it would be a book really worth reading and really reflective of what the Lord has entrusted me with.

I also think focusing on stewardship of talents goes back to what I expressed about pursuing the Kingdom of God in my writing rather than the Kingdom of Self. It’s about being faithful and working as unto the Lord. It’s about taking time to make sure that my Gospel themes are not preachy, but genuinely expressed through the stories I tell.

Stewardship of talents also relates to the third and final piece I want to talk about, but is big enough to justify its own separate reflection. To end this brief series in a couple of weeks, I’m going to discuss a different end goal of writing that I want to prioritize over publication: writing as an expression of worship and delight.