My favorite holiday has returned, so it’s time for the annual Thanksgiving Blog Post!

Entering into the holiday, I’m in need of some gratitude in my life. This year has been an odd battle of struggling with feelings of envy and comparing my life to others’. And nothing steals joy more than desiring what others have and overlooking the blessings God has given you. I’ve let my own anxiety and self-pity be a distraction from missional, others-focused living all too frequently this year, and I am heartbroken about my own selfishness and lack of faithfulness in those moments. So, in light of the ways I’ve struggled to see outward, to count my blessings, and to delight in the Lord’s goodness in my life, it feels especially important to write out many of the ways I am grateful for God’s work in my life and in the lives of those around me this year. I want to fight towards thankfulness and rejoicing in the Lord.

I’m grateful for the ways I’ve seen the power of prayer at work this year. The Lord has answered prayers in powerful ways, which has strengthened my own assurance in His presence and care in my life and the lives of others. He has answered my prayers for greater faith, greater trust, greater joy in Him, greater humility—and so much more. I see Him at work on my heart, and even my own self-awareness of my sin is an answer to my prayers for a deeper, richer spiritual walk. Beyond prayers for myself, I’ve also witnessed the Lord answer prayers for others with perfect timing, especially with my youth group girls. I’m so, so thankful to be reawakened and revitalized in my belief in prayer’s power and the Lord’s listening ear.

One specific answer to prayer I’m incredibly grateful for is how the Lord has increasingly given me His heart for the lost. This year, more than ever before, I’ve felt a deeper determination to live missionally in a real way, and a stronger, weightier burden for those who do not know Him. In my work in an academic environment, a place that tends to reject Christianity outright, I feel especially called to live out the Gospel and lean on Christ in the day to day. This practical “living on mission” has been a big part of my spiritual growth, and while I am certainly not perfect at it and often struggle with fear, I feel such a joy, such a drive, such a fire to bring Christ to dark places. This mindset shift is transforming how I view my purpose in my everyday life and strengthening my faith in Jesus. I’m thankful for all of this.

I am also grateful for how the Lord continues to be present and faithful even when I stumble or don’t quite hit the mark. Every time I feel discouraged or swayed by the ways of the world, He always provides a word I need, whether through a friend, through podcasts I listen to, a sermon, a book, or His own Word. That’s pretty cool.

As I alluded to earlier, I am also thankful for how He’s shown me my sin and continues to work on correcting my path. Specifically, my realization that I tend to pursue a Kingdom of Self, particularly when I think about my fiction writing and other career goals, rather than pursuing and contributing to the building of the Kingdom of God. My thought-life and my career-life all seem to be geared towards building up my own name, yet that is not what my life as a Christian is about. My missing ingredient in my writing, the source of my dissatisfaction, partly stems from my warped focus, in my opinion. I am so thankful for God opening my eyes to this, for helping me recognize in biblical language and through His Scripture where I’m straying off the path and how to reorient myself to fix my gaze on Him. My writing is ultimately not about myself. My work as a college professor is ultimately not about myself. Both are about Christ and bringing the Kingdom of Christ to the world. I’m so thankful for the ways God is faithful at pursuing me and opening my eyes to this particular struggle in my life.

All in all, I have so much more to rejoice in the Lord for. The privilege of living in America. My family and supportive parents. My best friend living fifteen minutes from me instead of fifteen hours. Work that gives me so much flexibility to serve the Church and others in my life. The opportunity to minister to high school students. A job where I feel a sense of thriving and joy. Stories that have meant something to me this year. Health. And so, so, so much more.

But above all else, I am grateful for God’s kindness to me. His pursuit of me. His answer to prayers. The delight I have had in strengthening my faith in my walk with Him this year.

I’m tired of getting hung up on the things I’m supposed “lacking.” There are things in this world I may never get to experience or have. But who cares? My life is not meant to be about me. I’m not meant to get everything I want in life. Christians are not promised goodness on this earth; we are promised suffering. And yet, how much goodness have I received? So much more than I deserve. Who am I to ask for more? When I look at the rich and bountiful blessings God has extended to me and my friends and my family, my envy and covetousness are revealed for the shriveled evil they are, and I wholeheartedly reject dwelling on those sinful thoughts.

I know I will continue to stumble. But I am thankful I do not walk alone in my sanctification. This Thanksgiving, I will rejoice in the Lord and His steady, patient presence in my life, I will rejoice in the Giver of earthly Blessings unearned and the Giver of Heavenly Blessings beautiful beyond anything I will experience in this life, and I will rejoice in my Redeemer, the Hope of the World.