Welcome to a rambly writing update! There’s a lot to cover, so let’s dive right in.

A Finished Draft

Finishing a draft is a quiet affair, though it feels like it shouldn’t be. While publishing is certainly a big deal, I almost feel like finishing the rough draft is more worthy of celebrating. Finishing a full first draft is a big deal. And as a result, it feels odd to finish one in silence, with no one around you who can see or acknowledge that you’ve achieved something very few others will. Yet those quiet moments of completing that first draft stick with me: sitting in my school library, an empty Starbucks cup at my feet, looking out the window at the darkening sky. Or my most recent completion: sitting at my kitchen table, late afternoon, with no one else home and the dog scratching at the door to go outside. Ordinary life goes on, oblivious to what you’ve done. And to be frank, it’s awkward sometimes to share that you’ve finished a rough draft, as the line between vanity and excitedly sharing your passion with others feels very thin.

Why share this somber reflection? In short, it’s because I did finish Book 1 of The Myth-Keepers back in March. But to be honest, finishing the draft felt more like a relief than an exultation, which is maybe while I’m feeling strangely subdued about it.

I’ll be honest, writing the book felt like a war. I joked with others later that “I finished my book, and I hated it.” Which is perhaps a little exaggerated, but somewhat true. And I’m at a point where, despite my earlier optimism to jump right into revision, I might just lay the book to rest for a long time. Maybe forever. There’s a lot of issues with the draft and I’m lately feeling I need to make a change in how I approach my writing—but more on that in a few paragraphs.

A Started Sequel

One other small writing progress update: after finishing the rough draft of The Myth-Keepers and taking a slight break, I revisited the Whitman Court series. That involved a soft touch-up edit of the first book, The Queen of Whitman Court, which was productive. I caught a couple of errors and typos, and did a couple of small rewrites in a few places. Most significantly, I wrote a new opening paragraph. I do feel somewhat at a standstill with the book, though. I haven’t pitched it anywhere since and do not have immediate plans to do so. I’m contemplating the idea of going all in to indie publishing, but I have some legitimate concerns that keep me from making the jump just now. So it’s kinda in limbo.

Despite my own uncertainty about what to do with the series, I have also started the first set of major revisions for the second book in the series, The Knights of Whitman Court. This book does not feature Melody as the main character, but still keeps her as the narrator, so I’m playing around with whether or not that concept will work or if I’ll need to change my narrator for each book. The rough draft originally was written without Melody as the first-person narrator, so there is a bit of rewriting to be done, and it has been fun to revisit a book I haven’t seen in a while. I’m about halfway through with revisions and aim to finish the second draft by the end of June. After that? Who knows.

A Rut.

Considering the amount of indecision in my writing projects, it’s probably no surprise that I feel like I’m in a bit of a writing rut. This is somewhat typical for me anytime I’m in school (like I am now), but if I’m being honest, it’s not just school that’s plowing me into a writing rut. It’s also life in general.

Time has been a pretty big idol in my life, particularly recently. That’s probably a strange idol to confess, but what I mean is I tend to value my control over timing and efficiency rather than trusting the Lord with my time. Not only does this play out through a day-to-day obsession with keeping a rigid schedule and making sure I smoosh a high amount of productivity into a particular amount of time, but it also relates to the expected timeline of my life. My expectations for when certain big life events—like getting married or getting traditionally published—have not been met, yet I still try to regain control over those milestones by pushing the “acceptable target age” back further and further. For writing specifically, while I perhaps don’t have an age cap in mind, I certainly have a concern with being efficient with my books and trying to make something “publishable” within a year or two of starting it. This adds pressure to write lots, to make it perfect, and to try and speed up the publishing timeline as fast as I can. I think this contributes to why I felt so unhappy with The Myth-Keepers. In my pursuit of efficiency, I lost the joy of writing, I lost the joy of the story, and I lost focus on the reason for my writing.

I’m not writing to build up my own kingdom as a writer. At least, I never want that to be my goal. I’m writing for Christ and the building up of His Kingdom. That’s my purpose. But when I get wrapped up in the career and business and timing of it all, I very quickly lose sight of that deeper drive. Then I get stuck in ruts like these.

So what am I doing to try and pull me out of this rut? I’m working on The Knights of Whitman Court, as I mentioned. In part because it feels weird to just…stop writing, period. And I do want to keep in the habit of it.

But while I practice the habit of writing, I’m also praying into the very heart issues I just expressed. I’m praying that I would trust the Lord with His timing for my writing. I’m praying that I would have a right focus and right heart about my writing, that it would not be a self-seeking endeavor, but one that truly honors the Lord.

 I’m also trying to think of ways to just write for fun. To write without an agenda or goal. I have a couple of book ideas that have lived with me for a few years, but they do scare me a little. They’re the ideas that I always tabled for later, when I’m a more mature and seasoned writer. But I’m starting to wonder if they’re exactly what I need to get my focus realigned on writing for the Lord and writing with joy.

I’m also considering taking a step back from the rigid blog schedule I’ve set for myself. Though I do enjoy writing for this blog, I’m feeling a bit burned out on it and any other “career-building” activities. Plus, with over a hundred blog posts now written, I’m getting to the point where I only want to write new blog content if I’m interested in writing something, rather than writing something for the sake of meeting my twice-a-month post count. This might also help foster that joy for writing that I feel I’m lacking lately.  

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Bit of a long, less-exciting update, but I felt it was important to be honest about the struggles of writing. If you’re a writer, I hope this was encouraging to you in some way. Thanks for following my writing journey this far—hopefully, the next writing update will be full of joy!